Listen to me! The Maple Leafs are not the truth. The Leafs are a goddamn amusement park. The Leafs are a circus, a carnival, a traveling troupe of acrobats, storytellers, dancers, singers, jugglers, sideshow freaks, lion tamers and hockey players. They're in the boredom-killing business. So if you want the truth, go to Wendel. Go to your gurus. Go to yourselves, because that’s the only place you’re ever going to find any real truth.

But, man, you’re never gonna get any truth from the Leafs. They'll tell you anything you wanna hear. They'll lie like hell. They'’ll tell you that Clarkson can turn his game around and that Tyler Bozak really is a first line center. And no matter how much trouble the Leafs are in, don’t worry! Just look at the clock. At the end of the game, they're gonna win. They'’ll tell you any shit you want to hear. They deal in illusions, man. None of it is true!

But you people sit there day after day, night after night, all ages, colors, creeds. The Leafs are all you know. You’re beginning to believe the illusions they're spinning here. You’re beginning to think that the Leafs spin is reality and that this season's results are unreal. You do anything the Leafs tell you. You dress like the Leafs. You eat like the Leafs. You raise your children to be Leafs fan. You even think like the Leafs. This is mass madness you maniacs! In Wendel’s name you people are the real thing, the Leafs are the illusion!

So turn off your television sets. Turn them off now. Turn off the Leafs right now. Turn them off and leave them off! Turn them off right in the middle of the game  as you're reading this right now.

TURN THEM OFF!