Tuesday’s FTB: What to watch instead of hockey

Now that we’re at week a hundred thousand without hockey, and people are beginning to reach the limit of housing repairs to attempt, tiktok dances to try and learn, and obsessive cleaning to get done, we all need something new to fill the hours that used to be filled by watching the Toronto Maple Leafs do their best/worst. With this in mind, I’ve pulled together a list of movie and tv show recommendations that I hope capture the essential energy of each Atlantic division team, to recreate the general vibe of watching each team.

It’s not quite the same thing as watching the actual teams play but hey, close enough, right?

Team: Ottawa Senators
Movie/TV show: Mad Max: Fury Road
Why: a chaotic fight over limited resources is presided over by a megalomaniac who refuses to listen to the pleas of the people visiting his stronghold. Meanwhile, a collection of people in a vehicle threaten to wreak chaos on what he’s created.

Team: Toronto Maple Leafs
Movie/TV show: the new Star Wars movies
Why: a franchise with a storied history is given a reboot, exciting fans with a brand new youthful cast of characters, including the archetypical saviour with an unusual background, the older mentor who has been through a similar struggle before, and the energetic comedic relief. However, after a strong start, the franchise begins to stumble, struggling with uneven and unfinished narratives, along with a change in leadership.

Team: Detroit Red Wings
Movie/TV show: any classic horror series
Why: movies like Friday the 13th, Halloween, and Hellraiser helped define the genre in its early years, and provided the groundwork for many others to follow in their stead. However, they have since been plagued by increasingly poor writing and directing, and, despite several attempts to revitalize the franchises in recent years, have devolved to almost exclusively direct-to-DVD sequels.

Team: Montreal Canadiens
Movie/TV show: Suicide Squad
Why: with this newest installation of an iconic property, the involvement of multiple interested parties unfortunately resulted in it being pulled in several different directions and ultimately going nowhere. In terms of the cast and plot, everything is very, very bad except for one character who is amazing and deserves better.

Team: Boston Bruins
Movie/TV show: Mad Men
Why: it might get a little bit shaky towards the end, and it didn’t quite manage to stick the landing, but overall it is an excellent show. Critically acclaimed, it features a stellar cast, a strong narrative arc, and a whole host of engaging male characters, some of which you won’t be able to help but love, and others which you’ll love to hate.

Also, despite it being objectively good, I hate it.

Team: Tampa Bay Lightning
Movie/TV show: Game of Thrones
Why: everything pointed towards this being the flawless conclusion to years of hard work and build-up; unfortunately the directors were unable to carry the story through to the triumphant finale that everyone was expecting. While the strong cast and excellent storytelling had allowed them to pick up more and more fans as it went along, the ending failed to live up to the hype, and left a lot of people deeply disappointed.

Team: Florida Panthers
Movie/TV show: Tiger King
Why: big cats, Florida, precarious financial situations, and a whole bunch of deeply weird people.

Team: Buffalo Sabres
Movie/TV show: X-Men: Days of Future Past, X-Men: Apocalypse, and Dark Phoenix
Why: despite a promising start to the reboot of the franchise and several strong leads with incredible talent, the latter installations have failed to live up to their promise, for reasons that no one is really able to pinpoint. While there is the occasional bright point, overall it’s just... not quite there.