It was August in the year 2012 Anno Domini. The previous CBA was nearing its expiration date and many teams decided to get important contract extensions in under the wire before a new CBA took about their circumventing tools. One such team to make an extension was the Oilers. They signed Taylor Hall to a 7-year, $6M per year contract in the hopes that the promise he'd shown in his first two seasons would mean they'd be locking up an elite player for the majority of his prime at a reasonable caphit. Most people in the hockey and blogging community viewed this as a smart move by Edmonton. Bryan Reynolds formerly of Hockey Wilderness is not most people.
Mr. Reynolds wrote a post which delved into why he thought the Hall contract (and also some stupid Shane Doan Rumor and Kevin Bieksa's hypocrisy) was stupid. What he didn't know is that he was taking the first step in creating the single greatest post and comments section in SBNation Hockey History. I'm not exaggerating when I saw that the comments section for this post is the high-water mark on internet comments sections. Come with me on a journey as we revisit this acme of SBNation Hockey.
Final Jeopardy Answer: Taylor Hall & Shane Doan Contracts, and Kevin Bieksa Diving Comments
For those of you that watch the show Jeopardy, you will understand that when answering to get money, you ask the question, with the answer given to you. Hopefully that is a given, but around these parts, you just never know.
First off, when someone feels they need to explain the premise of Jeopardy to you know, you know what follows is going to be amazing.
In our case, today, the answer is]Taylor Hall & Shane Doan contracts, and Kevin Bieksa's comments on diving. The question: What are three things making news in the NHL that make you want to move to Mars and die slowly with the Sarcastic Rover?
And immediately the Jeopardy setup falls apart. This isn't a Jeopardy question, it's Johnny Carson doing his Carnac the Magnificent bit. (For the kids reading this, Johnny Carson was the Tonight Show host before Leno/Conan/Leno/Fallon.)
...Steve Tambellini, who apparently doesn't understand that Hall is, at best, a second line player.
This right here is the money line which sets off the chain reaction that ignites the comments section into a glorious super nova of stupid. HW member mikkohermosa is debating that the Hall contract is ok when Reynolds weighs in and magic happens.
And how many guys who had 2 20+ goal season turned out to be absolutely nothing vs guys who had 2 20+ goal season who wound up being super stars? I know which way I’m leaning. - BReynolds
Here ya go, Bryan. .6 to .9 PPG in a player’s first two seasons or the same PPG before age 20 or .3 to .5 GPG before 20 or the same at any age in their first two years
Hint: Based on no further statistics than just a list of historical comparables, you’re leaning the wrong way. - Bower Power
Thank you for the links. I’m not going to click them, but thank you.
I really don’t care if I am leaning the wrong way. Am I not entitled to do so? - BReynolds
That right there is pure gold and one of the best comments ever on the Internet, but somehow now even the best in this comments section. Yes, that's a grown ass man staunchly holding onto what he knows is an incorrect belief when presented with counter evidence because he can and choose to. Let that sink in a minute. Stop crying for future of humanity.
This is the Helen of Troy of comments as it was the ignorance that launched a thousand replies. What follows has to be read in its entirety to be truly appreciated, so I'm not going to post any more comments. What I am going to do though is take the 16 months and 1 1/2 hockey seasons that have happened since this post first went up to fact check some of the most egregious statements made. Enjoy.
Taylor Hall / Taylor Hall is a flop
Zach Parise / Zach Parise's Contract
Only putting up .76 ppg since the start of last season. 57th.
Still able to be used when making a statement.
Damn at predicting hockey outcomes.
Still crazy, but still not a porn star.
Vaccines (shot which contain small samples of common diseases)
Did spend $200M to remain below average.
Still burying his head in the sand.Velveeta is fucking delicious.