Maple Leafs @ Blackhawks

8:30PM EST on TSN 4

Too young for my basement van Riemsdyk fans: Second City Hockey

CHARRON: Look at you. You're a fifty-year hockey veteran, yet you pick the worst duty station on the worst team in the league. I mean, look at this place. This is the hind end of hockey.

LAMORIELLO: Peace and quiet appeals to me.

CHARRON: Well, maybe that's okay for someone like you, whose career is winding down. But me, I need some excitement, some adventure... maybe even just a surprise or two.

LAMORIELLO: Well, you know what they say, Cam. Be careful what you wish for. You might get it.

[Shanahan, Dubas and Kadri enter the room]

SHANAHAN: Lou, is everything ready?

LAMORIELLO: Step into my parlor, gentlemen.

CHARRON: That's Brendan Shanahan, my God!

LAMORIELLO: Very good for you, Cam.

CHARRON: But it's damned irregular. This is just a random sub-basement office in the ACC. They're all supposed to be at the game in Chicago later today.

LAMORIELLO: All true.

CHARRON: So what are we gonna do about it?

LAMORIELLO: I'm not gonna do anything about it. You're gonna sit in the closet.

CHARON: The *closet*? Have you lost your sense of reality?

LAMORIELLO: This isn't reality. [Pulls crowbar out of his suit jacket.] This is fantasy. You wanted adventure, how's this? Feel the old adrenaline going, huh? Good boy. Now get in the closet.

CHARRON: All right...

LAMORIELLO: Go on.

CHARRON: I'll just get in the closet. All right! Damn!

[Falls into the closet and shuts the door]

DUBAS: I'm glad you're on *our* side!

SHANAHAN: [Pointing to the closet] Are you sure you can handle...?

LAMORIELLO: Oh, I'll have "Mr. Regression" eating out of my hand, sir. And I'll see all of you at the rendezvous.

(There's an engine backfiring sound, and a rusty 1998 Ford Econoline drives in to the room)

DUBAS: This is how we're getting to Chicago? Wait, isn't this the guy who abducted JvR?! And how did he even drive that thing down here to the basement?

LAMORIELLO: I promised not to cause him permanent injuries if he released JvR, and drove you to the game. I mean it was only so long we could ignore it for the tank and pretend JvR was injured.

SHANAHAN: What happened to that $400 million of MLSE money we spent to develop those telepod devices?

LAMORIELLO: Well it turns out those had a slight design flaw (points to hideously deformed Robidas-fly hybrid creature chained to the wall in the corner of the room).

This is just the turn of luck we've been waiting for!

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