Yesterday, the Leafs waived some players and today they will have to make a cap-compliant roster out of the remainders by 5 pm. Other than that, nothing is going on.

That would explain Zach Aston-Reese’s weird AAV, and is a thing we can all figure out at 5 pm. There’s no actual reward for doing it in advance.

While we wait, it’s time to look back. Well, it is for me because I was shocked the other day to discover Ben Chiarot is on the Red Wings! Who knew! So in that vein, here is 32 things about 32 teams that are the most surprising thing about them this season:

Anaheim Ducks: They’re still paying Corey Perry. He’s getting $2 million from them this season.

Arizona Coyotes: Not the obvious. It’s been a long time since anything this team could do off the ice could surprise me. Darren Dreger reported that even if with a successful ticket drive, they will likely be way behind the curve of revenue and all the rest of the teams will have to support them. Again. The shocking thing is that Lawson Crouse signed there for term. $4.3 million by five years to play golf and pretend to play hockey.

Boston Bruins: On paper, this team looks objectively bad, but I bet they make the playoffs. Okay, that’s annoying, not shocking.

Buffalo Sabres: I think they’re going to be fun. Which last happened in in the 1990s.

Calgary Flames: I learned Elias Lindholm is Calle Järnkrok’s cousin, otherwise, they’ve done nothing this summer.

Carolina Hurricanes: The Leafs play a game against them at 5 pm on a Sunday. (H/T to Species for noticing this right when I needed something about this team that was interesting.)

Chicago Blackhawks: They are a really, really old team. The average age of their goalies is 32.5 years, and the skaters aren’t much better.

Colorado Avalanche: They might be exactly as good as last year, which is hard when the cap isn’t flat.

Columbus Blue Jackets: Yegor Chinkakov scored the most goals in preseason.

Dallas Stars: They are banking on a goalie with virtually no experience, and if he bobbles, they’re cooked.

Detroit Red Wings: Aside from Chiarot and how bad they are, Elmer Söderblom is really interesting. So very big, so interestingly skilled.

Edmonton Oilers: They’re still trying to trade Jesse Puljujärvi.

Florida Panthers: Paul Maurice is their coach!

Los Angeles Kings: They could win the Pacific.

Minnesota Wild: I couldn’t think of anything interesting for this one.

Montréal Canadiens: They might be the worst team in the NHL. That has Arizona in it.

Nashville Predators: They seem like they need five more players and they won’t get them because they won’t spend the money.

New Jersey Devils: They waived Andreas Johnson. He’s not unplayable, and that was odd.

New York Islanders: They have an absolute tonne of forwards with NHL experience. Most of them not very good.

New York Rangers: They just signed Jimmy Vesey!

Ottawa Senators: They had a pretty good offseason, considering the team will likely undergo an ownership change in-season.

Philadelphia Flyers: LOL

Pittsburgh Penguins: They got Jeff Petry! For that not very good defender the Montréal GM used to be the agent for.

San Jose Sharks: The new GM doesn’t seem to have tried to make them better or worse.

St. Louis Blues: Their highest paid player makes $7.5 million, and they aren’t actually terrible.

Tampa Bay Lightning: They should be exiting their glory years by now, but they aren’t.

Toronto Maple Leafs: They signed Matt Murray and I’m not actually afraid. Yet.

Vancouver Canucks: I think (like Frank Seravalli who mentioned this in his predictions piece) that they might fire Bruce Boudreau by Christmas.

Vegas Golden Knights: Michael Hutchinson might be their starter.

Washington Capitals: Connor Brown is a Capital.

Winnipeg Jets: I can’t just say LOL, I used that for the Flyers. But I don’t understand the point of this team because they never really try to win, and I consider them the Ducks north.

And that’s it. By 5pm, we’ll have all the rosters, and Lou Lamoriello will have to admit he’s cutting some of his players. Cap Friendly lists a 30-man roster that is less than $3 million over the cap.

There’s more news out there of the usual dreadful variety, but I needed a holiday from it, so I just decided to make light of this stupid league and this stupid sport. Serious business will resume in good time.

From The Branches