Yaharr, they speak of a monster what lives deep in the salty depths. Some say his tentacles have drowned one thousand men and posted a playoff save percentage north of nine sixty. It was an autumn day near Farjestads in the north of Europe when the Monster attacked our ship. I was the only survivor, the monster took one look at the blue birthmark I have in the shape of a leaf and spared me.
Old timers speak of the monster's fearsome teeth, but I'll tell ye the truth lads: the monster's soul is as black as a barbequed bilge rat - a creature so foul it removed the part of its own heart where most of God's creatures keep their sympathy. Keep your eyes on the horizon lads. This creature spares no man. If ye wish to see this destruction yourself there be brave souls travelling the oceans to film him.
