I want Matt Stajan to glide in on a unicorn and score a hat trick and to possibly deliver puppies to sick children. I want Luke Schenn to hit a Capital so hard, that there is a pinata-like explosion. And I want somehow use the beauty and magnificence of Viktor Stalberg to create peace in the Middle East. I just wish I could bake hockey cupcakes for you all. What do you want?

Tonight the Truculent Maple Leafs will take on the Washington Capitals. I know right? They are such a skeeze. Whatever. I really hope Jonas Gustavsson is in net. Monster is flawless. I heard he does car commercials. IN JAPAN. I saw him wearing army pants and flip flops so I went out and bought army pants and flip flops. One time, he met John Stamos on a plane. And he told him he was pretty!

Who here has personally felt victimized by Alexander Ovechkin?

This is your period one game thread. Keep the comments relevant and witty. Do those SPG picks.


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