I'm sure all of you are familiar with Murphy's Law but since this post will likely make its way around the Montreal conciousness today I'll explain it. Murphy's Law says that whatever can go wrong will go wrong. If you left your car's sunroof open when you parked it in the driveway there's a near one hundred percent chance that it will rain. If you live somewhere it never rains like "Earth in three or four more years" then a bird will crap through the open hole directly onto the center of the driver's seat.
Apologies for the lack of an audio version of this post for people who can't read, I'm told our usual reverse-transcription service the Jacques Demers Book on Tape Club won't meet this week due to rioting downtown.
I'm sure we've all had a Murphy's Law moment; we're Leafs fans. Remember that time we needed LA to lose out and all we had to do was lose one game to Ottawa to draft fifth? Remember how for a week every game we needed to go our way did just that and then with our own draft fate in our hands Boyd Devereaux scored a fucking hat trick?
I'd like to offer up "Chemmy's Law" which is a corollary to Murphy's Law but much more useful in practical applications. You can feel free to tell all of your friends about my amazing theory and escalate my name to household status. I'm available for kid's birthday parties, drinking competitions and impromptu swear jamborees.
Let's look at what's about to happen in the NHL: the Montreal Canadiens are going to the Eastern Conference finals. I'll pause for a moment for any of you who are religious to make the sign of the cross, the rest of you should spit on the floor now.
Murphy's Law obviously states that Montreal is going to continue stumbling ass backwards into the Stanley Cup Finals at which point Chicago or San Jose will roll over for them after their grueling series. What's a Leafs fan to do?
I'll tell you: we're going to invoke Chemmy's Law on a grand scale. First I need you to take one hundred dollars (or more if you're wealthy; the money has to mean something to you ten dollars won't work at all) and go to your local sports betting office. Then I need you to bet on the Montreal Canadiens to win the Stanley Cup at whatever odds are offered.
Game theory tells us that after placing that bet there are two outcomes you care about. First Montreal could win the Stanley Cup but then you'd win a couple hundred dollars. Second Montreal could lose the Stanley Cup Finals or the Eastern Conference finals and you'd be out a hundred dollars.
Think about that for a second and you're on to Chemmy's Law; the worst case scenario won't ever happen if you set yourself up to benefit from it. Have at it Leafs fans, let's put our money where our mouths are and cheer for the Canadiens to win us some money or for their luck to run out in a critical moment.