Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries.

Now go read my article over at The Leafs Nation about advanced statistics, or I shall have to taunt you a second time.

If Gimp was a half-decent program, you would all have been treated to a .gif of Greg McKegg's face actually taunting you, but this will have to do for now.

Plenty of more fun over the jump, as per usual.

Banged up Marlies Prepare for Calder Cup
Kyle The Reporter has the story.

The Flexible Elephant: On the Surprising Mobility of Bloated Contracts
Ellen Etchingham isn't the first to point out that long-term contracts aren't so impossible to move, but she's awesome, so I'm linking this anyway.

Martin Brodeur: A little above average for a very long time
Cam Charron is here to tell you to walk off your chubby for ol' Marty.

Meet Your Conn Smythe Candidates
Dirty Dangle has a list.

Are the Los Angeles Kings the best eighth seed ever?
James Mirtle points out that this L.A. group has a pretty good goal differential, given their place in the standings.

Updates And A Rapid Fire Mailbag
Jeffler answers a couple questions from his Twitter feed.

The Latest Tamp-tation of Brian Burke
At The Leafs Nation, Danny Gray takes a look at the Justin Schultz situation.

Remembering what it was like when the Leafs were getting ready to play in the Cup finals
I can't really imagine what that's like, but Michael Langlois at Vintage Leaf Memories can actually give you a first-hand account.

From The Branches