Game Preview: Tankers @ Tankees

Look. I'll level with you all. I'm not putting a lot of effort into this Game Preview.

The season is over. Lupul pretty much admitted it!

So what's left? TANKING.

Tanking has some glorious rewards. And this is a must lose game if our tank is to proceed to the Holy Grail

Remember when our buddy Boyd up there fucked up our tank? Not gonna happen this time. We need everyone on board.

Things that will help the tank:

Maple Leafs recall MacWilliam
Andrew MacWilliam is terrible at hockey! He has 13 points in 104 AHL games. Horachek, make him the new Kostka!

Phaneuf still on IR with hand injury

DION ANGRY AND SMASH HAND ON ROCK AND MUCH HURT SO CAN NO PLAY HOCKEY JUST PLAY WITH DION PET CAT AND GO TO RESTAURANT AND EAT RIBS

Joffrey Lupul remains out again tonight with lower-body injury.
— Jonas Siegel (@jonasTSN1050) February 20, 2015

I'm not saying I was responsible for his "lower body" injury. I'm also not saying I wasn't responsible for it.

Lupul: "There's trade rumours on every guy in here so who are we going to put on the ice next year? A bunch of draft picks?"
— Jonas Siegel (@jonasTSN1050) February 19, 2015

NOT YOU, JOFFREY!

Also, Roman Polak is expected to play poorly as he really misses Cody, and while they totally sext all the time, Cody is responding less quickly and frequently than before. Roman can already feel him drifting away and has a sad.

Things that will hurt the tank:

James Reimer starts tonight in Carolina... he was the last Leafs goalie to win in Raleigh back in March 2011
— Mark Masters (@markhmasters) February 20, 2015

I mean I'm all for GBSR, but can't Garret Sparks take this one?

The Canes Suck

They basically started tanking from the first game of their season. Why didn't the Leafs do this?

Tim Gleason Plays for the Hurricanes

You may be wondering why this will hurt our tanking.

It's because he could still be playing for the Leafs! Thanks, Nonis!

Mike Komisarek no longer plays for the Hurricanes

Quit being such a baby, Komi.

Damn it! Imagine how awful their defence corps would be with Liles, Gleason, and Komisarek?