Rather than dive into an overly drawn out diatribe about this past weekend in Toronto, I thought I'd take you all on a chronological tour of my inner monologue throughout the trip. Enjoy.

Why am I up so early?  Scranton, PA smells like ass.  Did you go to SUNY Upstate Medical University too? Buffalo, NY smells like catfood. Always take off your sunglasses when crossing the border. Toronto smells like cookies! I forgot how hot girls in Toronto were. Like that one. I feel like a newborn baby giraffe. What's that sweet, sweet smell in the air? Kadri is still on the ice for this powerplay? Julian is so damn cute, I just want to pinch his cheeks. Damn this is a good beer. Damn this is a great beer. Dinosaurs fucking rule. The University of Toronto looks pretty sweet at night.

sleep

Why am I up so early? I don't think Jason and Arch are going to be making lunch at 1pm. Told you they'd be too hungover for lunch. I love Chinese Dumplings. There's a club called Super Market? I love trolley cars. Thank you, thank you, you're far too kind. Yes, I lost the bet. Like the jersey? I thought he'd be taller. I thought she'd be shorter. Damn Habs fans are dumb. Skinnyfish 1 - Habs Fan 0. I want bacon on my Burkie Dog. Ha, Julian can't buy beer. I want to punch that kid in the head. Damn these seats are up there. I wonder if Monika's hair smells good. YES! SHIT! Bullshit call! Penalty? YES. SHIT. Here comes his only move.....cha ching. John Mitchell? JOHN FUCKING MITCHELL! Ole Ole Ole Ole! Damn bitch, shutup. Honour the bet! 1st round exit! It was a bad idea to put my card down for drinks. I'm tired. Check please. I love you all!

sleep

Damn I'm exhausted, I need more sleep. I love maple flavoured bacon. I love good coffee. I wonder if Jason is even up? Damn Jason looks like he just woke up. Cops is a great show. That car got fucked up. So that's who Tim Brent is. Jessie Blacker....meh. Goodbye Canada. Fuck, US Border Patrol Nazis. I live here; can I go home now? I promise I won't kill Americans, like myself. My God rural Pennsylvania is a shit hole. No you did not order cheese sticks. Did that family of four just order 10 sandwiches at Arby's? Damn they're fat. Stupid drivers are stupid. Finally back home, sucks that I couldn't stay longer. Karina is a godsend for doing the FTB for me.

sleep

And that, more or less, was my weekend. Enjoy the links.

The recent birthday boy gives us twelves factors to explain why the Leafs don't suck all of a sudden [Down Goes Brown]

Tonight marks the birth of a future bitter fan of the Toronto Maple Leafs [Bitter Leaf Fan]

Viktor Stalberg on Future Leaf captain Dion Phaneuf "I’m pretty sure he wakes up screaming at people". Nice [Globe and Mail]

Might be over-hyping Kessel a bit, especially with the comparisons, but at least it's good to see his projected production [MLHS]

Junior uses computer technology to predict the future action of potential NHLPA Executive Direction Donald Fehr [Heroes in Rehab]

Apparently the Stars are in need of a topflight offensive defenseman this free agency [Starsblog]

Alex Tanguay to be a future Leaf? Cha, and maybe monkeys will fly out of my butt [MLHS]

The player's committee on head shots wants some changes made to the league's proposal [Globe and Mail]

Phil Kessel, bringing some stability to the Leafs [Frozen Leafs]

Dr. Steve takes a look at some possible trades for the Leafs this offseason [Hockey Analysis]

Morning Additions

Carl Gunnarsson is the star of this week's Tuesday Prospect Report [Bloge Salming]

PPP Member Hungry Leafs Fan reviews the ACC from a fans perspective for [Stadium Journey]

Vintage Leafs with some unusual photos of yore. What the hell is on Jacques Plante's foot? [Vintage Leafs]

Belligerence, Pugnacity, Truculence, and Testosterone. That is Toronto [Pucking Hilarious]

From The Branches