FTB: 32 teams, 32 sentences

The 107th NHL season begins soon and now that I have woken up from my hockey hibernation, I took look around the league. Somethings I saw upset me, some made me laugh. So, let's do a quick thought for all of the teams.

Anaheim Ducks
You were awful last season and didn't get Conor Bedard, but don't worry, you'll be awful this season and not get Conor Bedard either - consistency!

Arizona Coyotes
You don't deserve the fans you have.

Boston Bruins
A record setting season was capped off with an amazing playoff upset, and losing your top two centers, only one way to go from there: down.

Buffalo Sabres
For real, THIS is the year the rebuild ends....maybe.

Calgary Flames
I'm not sure how to feel about you, but it's probably not good.

Carolina Hurricanes
This bunch of jerks took Michael Bunting and I hope you've practiced your penalty kill.

Chicago
I hope the NHL got the cookie bouquet you sent them for fixing the draft lottery, I mean what timing!

Colorado Avalanche
You recently won a cup, and I do not feel bad for your loss of Gabriel Landeskog.

Columbus Blue Jackets
I hope your season is as eventful as your pre-season.

Dallas Stars
Anyone can forget about the Dallas Stars, tucked all the way down there.

Detroit Red Wings
While I never wish anything good for divisional rivals, it would be funny if your rebuild ended before Buffalo's.

Edmonton Oilers
I used to make jokes about wasting Connor McDavid's time there but my house has recently turned to glass so, uh, keep up the good work!

Florida Panthers
I do not like you and I hope your playoff run made your team too tired to bother this year.

Los Angeles Kings
They are the fifth most popular team in Los Angeles, third in their own arena, so good luck guys.

Minnesota Wild
I haven't liked you since your stupid owner cost me a job, and I never will.

Montreal Canadiens
Can the ghosts of the forum finally make the move to the Bell Centre, or are they still hanging out in the mall food court that was once their dressing room?

Nashville Predators
I can't get over your ugly yellow helmets enough to pay attention to anything else you do.

New Jersey Devils
Will we see a huge losing streak or winning streak to open the season?

New York Islanders
How many babies are being conceived in your new arena's parking lot?

New York Rangers
This spring is the 30th anniversary of their last Stanley Cup victory and I'm already sick of hearing about it.

Ottawa Senators
I really, really, really, really, hate how well Michael Andlauer is going to run this team.

Philadelphia Flyers
You still exist, eh?

Pittsburgh Penguins
Boooo! Glasses man bad!

San Jose Sharks
A baffling team making baffling moves without direction.

St. Louis Blues
It would be time to start the rebuild but my God look at all those 30+ players with 5+ year deals.

Tampa Bay Lightning
I'm not sure making your franchise player and captain angry is a good way to start the season.

Vancouver Canucks
Hey, at least Jim Benning is still gone, right?

Washington Capitals
Just going to focus on Ovechkin's chase of the goal record, and maybe make the playoffs along the way?

Winnipeg Jets*
You will never have my respect, no matter what you do.

Toronto Maple Leafs
Be good, for the love of god please be good.

And now some short news for a long weekend.

Ilya Samsonov leaves Leafs practice

Appeared to take a shot in an awkward spot @TSN_Edge pic.twitter.com/8Pf46maznX
— Mark Masters (@markhmasters) October 6, 2023

Now is the perfect time to panic after Ilya Samsonov left practice early.

From the roster to the Prince homage, how Natalie Darwitz is building a ⁦@thepwhlofficial⁩ team in Minnesota ‘from scratch’

My feature on the new ⁦@PWHL_Minnesota⁩ GM and Eagan, ⁦@GopherWHockey⁩ and ⁦@usahockey⁩ legend https://t.co/QHWMab388n
— Michael Russo (@RussoHockey) October 6, 2023