You know that thing where the Toronto Maple Leafs are really good against playoff bound teams? They forgot about that.

The Maple Leafs get a power play right away when Ilya Lyubushkin gets high-sticked in dramatic fashion, but the Leafs powerplay continues to be less effective than usual, and they don’t get a goal despite a close chance or two,

Both teams are committed to defense tonight, with goalies, defenders, and forwards making saves for both teams.

Kerfoot talked to the trainer about his foot, but he’s playing through it. After some back and forth hockey, not boring, but nothing notable, the Maple Leafs get called for - and you won’t believe this - Too Many Men on the Ice. Shocking, I know.

The Lightning don’t score on the power play but Simmonds and Maroon start getting up to some shenanigans.

The Lightning get a couple of nice chances on the Leafs net that gets the crowd on it’s feet but Erik Källgren is on top of his game tonight. The Leafs are all in on taking away shooting and passing lanes by any means necessary too because they’re sliding bodies in the way left and right. A solid defensive game by Toronto in the first period, but they need to get the offense going a bit better.

The first period ends with Kyle Clifford going for a skate, he doesn’t score but he does draw a hooking penalty, so the Leafs will have a power play for the first 1:53 of the second period.

Intermission!

No power play goal for the Leafs once again, and we’re still tied at zeroes despite the Leafs doubling the Lightning in shots and shot attempts. But, those aren’t goals and the Lightning take the lead four minutes into the second, when a tipped Erik Cernak shot goes into the net. 1-0 Lightning.

The Lightning are taking over the game after this goal, with plenty of attempts to double the score, while the Leafs aren’t playing as flashy a game as Tampa.

The Leafs aren’t exactly listless, but they aren’t the team that dominated the Lightning the last time they met. They’re playing in between that team and the one that was beaten by Buffalo recently.

Ross Colton parks himself in front of the net just in time to redirect a puck in for Tampa’s second goal.

2-0 Lightning.

Post-goal, Pierre-Edouard Bellemare gets hit by a shot in the back of the knee while being hooked by Jason Spezza. Too much happens at once. The Lightning power play lasts only seconds when Steven Stamkos scores the goal that gives him the all-time points record for the Lightning at 954.

3-0 Lightning.

Then, after not learning the lessons of previous penalties, the Lyubushkin gets called for high-stocking and the Lightning score again.

4-0 Tampa.

There’s a big scrum in front of the net after a save by Erik Källgren. Tavares & Giordano to the box for Toronto, Hagel and Cirelli for Tampa.

When play resumes, Alex Kerfoot gets called for high sticking Steven Stamkos after Stamkos trips him and now there are 3 in each box, but it’s only 4 on 4?

I don’t know why it wasn’t 3 on 3 when each team had two in the box, but I hate the minimum 3 guys on the ice thing. Each team has 3 in the box so it should be 2 on 2. Why isn’t why wasn’t it 3 on 3? This makes no sense. Try an explain it to me, you’ll be wrong.

While I’m ranting to my dog about this, Wayne Simmonds and Patrick Maroon get into a scrap and seem to really enjoy themselves out there.

It should also be one on one now, until the original penalties expire, but whatever, no one listens to me, Mercifully the second period ends. Can we just call mercy and go home? No? Fine.

Third period!

Lightning score right away!

5-0!

Why are you still here?

Michael Bunting almost scores five hole but it just hits the post and stays out. Then he gets an elbowing penalty.

Then, the Lighting score!

6-0!

Have the Leafs decided to lose out and play through the Metro for the first two rounds? I would.

Oh, Cal Foote gets a penalty, so will the Leafs score on their power play?

No, of course not. But Nick Paul almost scores shorthanded for Tampa, and then that causes a whole other scrum, with Blackwell vs Paul being the main event and they get sent to the dressing room with misconducts.

Anthony Cirelli also goes to the box for his part, giving the Leafs some more time with to score a power play goal. Or any kind of goal. I’m not picky.

Ilya Mikheyev almost does score, but the puck gets stuck between Vasilevsky’s pad and skate, and has no chance of going in. Mikheyev tries again and scores, ruining the shut out.

6-1 Tampa.

Another scrum occurs, more pushing, shoving, face washes, and other gross unsanitary things occur. Kyle Clifford bonks Corey Perry with his stick from afar. Bonk bonk. He gets a game.

Oh, then Tampa scored.

7-1.

Mikheyev and Killorn each go to the box. Mikey for slashing, Killorn for being mean (unsportsmanlike). At this point there are so many players in the box it should just be the goalies flinging pucks at each other.

Patrick Maroon.

8-1.

Simmonds and Maroon go at each other again, but get split up before anything happens and they get tossed.

Perry and Bunting are the next pair to get kicked out.

Then Kerfoot and Cal Foote go at it at centre ice. They don’t get kicked out, there’s penalties. I’m not keeping track, there have been 800 of them. Anyways, the game ends after this. Thank God. This was stupid.

The next Leafs game is on Saturday night across Florida in the swamps outside Miami, instead of inside Miami where a sane person would have put the team, and is against the Panthers. Yippee.

See you then.